jeepney epiphany

An epiphany struck me while on my way to work. I've noticed recently that I really suck at my job. I do. I really do. I goddam swear I do. And so, I thought why couldn't I work now as I did back then, not too long a time ago. The sleepless nights were something to be proud of. Lately, I have been sleeping late, waking up late, doing shitty late things that are not good for work and personal living.

I'm just thinking about my 'old timer' post about how much of an honor it is to grow old in this quickly decaying world and society. That those old coots may have done something good once or twice in their lives that they still live to witness a big sphincter that the world is turning into. I feel like I'm wasting my youth. My words escape me. I can't fully define and interpret the emotion and thoughts going into this phase.

I'm looking at the things I've done in the past months on the job. And I can't find one thing to be proud or even be glad about. To me, it's all rubbish. And it's not a good feeling to have. I'd have to rethink the way things go on around here. And so, I hope I don't waste my opportunity to be young and idealistic as hell. I'm scared of thinking how I'll turn up when I reach my middle years and how I could've [possibly, sic] turned things around when I had the chance and the years in me.

Ahh fuck it. I need to re-evaluate and re-organize. I need to know what I want and when I want it. I need to understand more things and and turn imagination into a livable idea and write a concept around it. I need to translate all of this into a workable solution.

I go with the flow but the problem with me is that I don't swim against the current even if I get swept into the foamy breach of a waterfall.

Note:
Janelle Monae is just gorgeous. I'd study the lines of her face all day if I had the artistic upbringing to do so. She looks so crisp. She has that certain air of coolness and sophistication in her.