First and Forever

Ngayon ang isa sa mga araw na hindi ko malilmutan sa tanan ng buhay ko. Sa ganitong araw, tatlong taon na ang nakalipas ay umiiyak ako sa loob ng isang classroom sa U.P. Baguio. Ibinabalita ko sa nanay ko na magkakaanak na 'ko. Hindi ito isang pa-macho-sensitive na post subalit isang paggunita sa isang pangyayaring bumago sa paginting ko sa mga bagay-bagay. Kasama ko ang mga Brods ko sa Frat noong umiiyak ako at todo tulo ang luha at sipon ko. It was not pretty, it was down right ugly.

Araw na naman ng annual Pasiklaban sa U.P. Baguio ngayon. Isa itong tradisyon kung saan nagtitipon ang mga mag-aaral, mga guro at propesor, mga janitors, guards, admin officers, maintenance at ang buong komunidad ng Unibersidad. Para kasi itong malaking Christmas Party kung saan imbitado ang lahat, maging ang mga hindi nag-aral sa U.P. Masaya rin ang mga alumni dahil nagugunita nila ang mga unang araw nila sa Unibersidad, lalo na ang kanilang unang Pasiklaban at ang panahon kung saan wala pang main gates at maayos na mga grounds kung saan pwedeng tumambay.

Masaya raw ang Pasiklaban noong mga unang taon nito. Walang bawal sa kampus, alak, sigarilyo, weeds at kung anu-ano pa. Liberal at wala pang restrictions. Ang kwento ng ibang nakatatanda ay nagbabaklas pa raw sila ng mga lumang bangko para gawing panggatong sa kani-kanilang bonfire. Kontra lamig nga naman dahil sa halos 10 degree na lamig na inaabot nila noon. Balot na balot sila at masayang nag-iinuman habang nakapalibot sa apoy. Maraming "firsts" raw sa mga selebrasyon noon. First and forever.

Noong pumasok naman ako ng U.P., una kong naranasan ang Pasiklaban noong pumasok ako ng Frat. Bagong pasok ako noon at nag-inom kami sa may pond area na kinalaunan ay nalaman kong nirerestore rin ng Frat na pinasukan ko. Masaya, una kong naranasan makapanood ng fireworks display up close and personal. Kasama rin ako sa road trip papuntang Bulacan para bumili ng mga paputok, may mga libre pang kwitis at iba pa dahil sa inabot ng mahigit 20,000 ang binili namin. Masaya, walang tulog at konting kain lang pero masaya. Simple lang kasi, kaunti lang kami noon. Pinapangarap kong makapagsindi rin ng kahon-kahong fireworks, gamit ang sariling lighter at nakasuot ng colors ng Frat. First and forever.

Balik ako sa umpisa ng kwento ko. Pasiklaban noon, umiiyak ako at muntik kong mapunasan ng uhog ko ang mga kahon-kahon ng fireworks na binili namin para sa gabing iyon. Pangatlong Pasiklaban ko na iyon, medyo matagal na rin ako sa Frat at bago sa prospect ng pagkakaroon ng anak. Todo ang iyakan. Tapik sa balikat at himas sa likod ang ginawa ng mga Brods ko at ang mga salita ng paalala. Bago pala kami umamin sa pamilya ng nobya ko ay Brod ko ang naghatid sa akin sa meeting place. Sya rin ang nagtabi ng tatlong hikaw ko dahil baka nga mawala pag nalasog ang katawan ko sa bugbog. Hindi ako nabugbog pero nawala ang mga hikaw. Tinatawanan nalang namin ang panahong yun dahil nasa lalamunan ko na ang betlog ko sa takot. First and forever.

Pangatlong selebrasyon ko na pero hindi pa rin ako nagsasawa noon. Ngayon, sana makahabol ako. Isinusulat ko to habang nasa trabaho at naghihintay ng "go signal" para makaalis na at mabisita ang anak ko. Manonood kami ng mga performances sa Pasiklaban, tatakbo sya uli sa grounds at magpapakilig sa mga chicks sa school. Kukurutin na naman ang pisngi nyang mala-mansanas sa pula at magsusungit sya. Mana sa ama. Ako naman ay mangungumusta sa mga dati kong naging propser at guro. Magtatawanan kami at magpapalitan ng kwento. Papansinin nila sigurado ang gupit ko at ang mga bilbil ko sa tyan at leeg. Medyo maooffend ako pero matutuwa dahil napansin nila ang pagtaba ko. First and forever.

Ang isa sa mga pinakaaabangan ko tuwing taon ang panahong ito dahil kahit magastos ang pagpapa-fireworks, masaya pa rin. Mukhang magkakaroon na ng huling yugto ang fireworks display tradition namin dahil sa iba't-ibang dahilan, lalo na ang environmental concerns at ang pag-funnel ng funds into "more socially significant events." Bullshit ang tawag ko doon. Simula kasi ng maging mag-aaral ako sa Unibersidad ay namulat na ko sa fireworks display. Hindi kumpleto ang Pasiklaban kung wala nito, tulad na rin ng pag nawala ang bonfire sa likod ni Oble at maging ang mga performances ng mga guro mula sa iba't-ibang departamento at kolehiyo. Kulang ang Pasiklaban kung hindi lumiliwanag ang madilim na langit kahit na mayroong mga lanterns at mga Christmas lights sa palibot ng kampus. Kulang ang Pasiklaban kung hindi mangangawit ang leeg mo sa kakatitig sa mga nagpuputukang bituin at dyamante sa langit. Kulang ang Pasiklaban kung walang mga "woooow" at "Ang ganda, Daddy/Mommy!" ng mga batang dinadala ng mga magulang sa grounds ng U.P. Baguio. Kulang ang Pasiklaban kung hindi mo maaamoy ang sariwang pulbura pagkatapos nito. First and Forever ito para sa maraming tao. At makikita mo ito mula sa ibang lugar ng maliit at nagsisiksikang siyudad ng Baguio.

Oo nga, maraming pwedeng gawing proyekto sa 20,000 mahigit na mga paputok. Pero ang saya ng alaala ng mga taong nakakapanood nito ay higit sa isang malaking "socially significant" na proyekto na kahit ang mga pulitiko ng bayan ay madalang nagagawa. Para sa mga aattend pa lang ng Pasiklaban, welcome and let's get hammered. Sa mga bumabalik-balik sa U.P. Baguio sa ganitong panahon bawat taon, ipagpatuloy nyo yan. At sa mga makakapunta mamaya sa grounds, takits na lang. Please alukin nyo ko ng alak kung meron. Manipis lang ang jacket na dala ko. Sana'y marami pa tayong First and forever moments sa U.P. Baguio.

Sana makaabot ako sa fireworks display. Hindi man ako magsisindi ngayong taon dahil alumnus na ako ay masaya pa ring panoorin ang mga mukha ng mga taong nakatutok sa bawat pagsabog ng liwanag sa gabi. Shet, poetic. Di nga, excited ako, first time ko to bilang isa sa mga maraming nagtapos sa Unibersidad. First and forever ulit.

Stand still

An ode to a December night in college.
U.P. Baguio c2009

There is always something that lingers on as we pass on to different phases in our lives. We rarely get to see these splatters of past in our new lab gowns, crisp white shirts, safety boots, silk handkerchiefs and so on. We dust them off, give them the flip or two to make them unknowingly go away since we never knew they were still there. But, they are still there.

For example, remember the way that in college, you know your batch mates’ good and bad habits? Remember that one classmate who never shows up for class on time, parties all the way to the finals, just barely dragging and hanging on to the last absence to kick him out of the class and then miraculously passes the finals? Well, he’s a rare breed but not exactly one to be emulated. Here’s another one, remember that girl who always wanted to get the highest scores in everything? In quizzes, projects, recitation, oral exams, performances and everything in between? Do you remember how she pouted and puffed her eyes when she got the 3^rd highest score in one of your midterms during your graduating year? Yep, I bet you do. You still get irritated by that every once in a while.

Well, the fact is, we never got out of college, or high school, or our organizations, fraternities, sororities. We don’t know it yet but we’re still stuck in the same class, only, there’s money and for some, there’s still no money involved.

You always get buzzed thru Facebook that this friend is living the life travelling the world at the expense of his company, and this other college classmate now champions the ideals of peace and prosperity in the more troubled parts of the country. You never get really far from them not only because of the social media but the way you still interact with them. Yes, they don’t text you but that does not hold them back from still making you feel like you’re that dragging dude from college who only goes to class at the end of the year.

Sometimes, it still is a matter of bragging rights. Back in college, it was like “Oi, uno ako sa finals!” Now, it’s more like “How much money you’re making? Are you having fun in your job? Because I do. And, oh, almost forgot, I still got higher scores in the Civil Service Exam than you.” But sometimes there are funnier stories to remember. Like the memory of a classmate having a twang and slang in her speaking voice when it comes to speech classes and you are oh so happy when she mispronounced one word. You’re still in college; still making fun of the uptight do gooders and people who try so hard to impress the higher ups and then rub it hard on your face. And don’t mind if they have SWAGGGG. You better than dem bitcheezz.

But there are the exceptions. You still admire former classmates who made it on their own. Who kept quiet during your years in college and got out just fine or even better. Remember that brilliant classmate of yours who got pregnant during your sophomore year? She raised that daughter of hers in her own blood and sweat, moonshining and all. And that other guy who you thought can make it to the big-time periodicals? Well, he’s a correspondent now. They’re just quiet folks, enjoying the things that they have and take things as they go.

We never really get out of college. We still meet and surprisingly, greet these people on a not-so-regular basis than we’d want to. Still, no matter how much they fling their high-and-mighty lifestyles and cool perks up in your face, you never seem to envy them that much. Heck, not even one tiny bit of you wishes to be in their shoes. And that’s one sure sign that you’re still in college. You just quietly enjoy the things you have, taking things as they go, keeping stuff that you can use and leaving the shit on the floor where they’re intended to be. And besides, who’d want to have a phony twang and slang? Would you rather say “Taygaylohg” than straight up “Tagalog?”

Writer's Block #5 - College

Cue in: Asher Roth's "I Love College"

###

Please stop reading and burn this after you see the journalistic code for end.

Life has a loop button. You just don't know how to push it. And when you do, you don't know you unintentionally did so. Right now, I did, I'm writing again. Drifting and tik-taking away.

I sometimes wonder if I've made something worth remembering during my college days. Being a tourist student, I always saw college as a bit of a challenge. Those were the eager days, the eager years, the Mr. Brightside years of my life. The days were shiny, not to mention totally awkward once I reminisce now.

Of course there are the new friends, starting from being classmates then orgmates. You share lunch, eat together and sometimes get awe struck together since both of you don't know that your long exam was scheduled later that day. Also there were friends you lose because you chose the different sides of the fence. Names are important, even more than what you think.

There are the classes that don't seem to end but when they do, you wish you had done more. You know, not just to feel good about yourself but you realize you could have done something better with those lost semesters. You wished you could have made good with that internship, it could have been a greater addition to your upcoming resume for your would-be employers. Or you could have just slugged it out a couple more weeks to finish your NSTP course or modules.

The parties you attended were epic. No red cups (they're seriously hard to find here) but the awesome 500ml amber bottles cradled you to sleep in the most unwelcome of places- a friend's sofa, grungy sleeping beds, some landlady's carpet and even on the unsuspecting instructor's class time. Those were good times, especially with the new friends, new assholes and new problems in life that conspire after a week-long drinking marathon. Some people out there may occasionally have eaten sand or dirt, but who cares, right?

Then there are the historical battles of life during your time away in college. For tourist students like me who ventured to other regions, countries or areas with different dialects, languages and customs; there are the little victories and defeats that you'd probably have had to deal with.

The academe is one, you have to put a conscious fight to keep your wits amidst the torrents and maelstroms of peer pressure, parent concerns and budget problems. You have to tame it before you can make it do your bidding. You may have to offer your life or limb but damn it it's a true story- you will really reap what you sow and it will be all WORTH it. Handing your professor the 10-page essay exam breathes a sigh of relief, seeing your production after the last cut will be tear-jerking, holding your freshly-bound thesis for passing will cause a minor heart attack. Those days will be glorious and you will remember them as if they were just yesterday. Don't be afraid to lose a bit of your social time with friends, there will be plenty more time to kill with the buddies when you are in the private lounge of your corporate office floor.

Culture will always be a factor wherever you go. Whether it's a matter of language that you speak or the way you present yourself in front of others, students are put in a great deal of trials in this department. You can never go wrong with respect and courtesy. Drink their favorite brew, taste or *smoke* their home-grown food (herbs), keep your mouth shut for ethnocentric comments and learn as much as you can. You'll get to know that there are more similarities in people than differences, even if you were brought up in the glacial parts of the world.

Connections, romantic and platonic and even those between rivals should be nurtured and taken care of. In romance you find your passion or inspiration, in friendship you find camaraderie and baseball bat-swinging partners in crime and in rivalry you find competition and the meaning of being a sore loser and a graceful champion. You have to shell out cellphone load for this or empty your school internet card but what's that if you get to enjoy their oh-so-good company?

This post has gotten long enough, more readers may or may not have read it until this part but that's one real lesson you'll get from college. You can't be lazy even if your slowpoke badge depended on it. Sometimes, you have to read the instruction well, not just look at it and see the obvious.

Life has a loop button. Life has a loop button. Life has a loop button. Life has a loop button. See what I did there? Let's just hope you don't find the loop button when you're on your last semester, that would suck ass.