B-sides

Dahil madaldal ang mga daliri ko ngayon at mas mabilis ang utak ko kesa sa kanila, dadagdagan ko ang posts ko ngayong araw. Maraming salamat sa aking muse, sponsors at sa invisible readers. You made me who I am today.

I sit here at my desk in the office, crackling my back, curling it as a snake would as it was about to contract and lunge at an unsuspecting small mammal. Masakit na ang likod ko, for short. But as young as I am (it is impolite to ask though I really don't know why) I feel that I've fully entered the gates of a familiar place. Entering your 20's can be exciting, especially as a young child imagining the future with xxx rated movie houses and 'bold' films (that's what we called it back then we tried to be sleazy youngsters.) 

'Tara, punta tayo kina RJ, wala raw tao sa kanila. Nood tayo ng bold!'

Anyhow, the 20's phase is very tricky to describe. 'I want to do this. I'll do my job well. I'll be a working class hero. I'll do my job because it is my passion.' Yea, that's one side to it.

The thing I'd like to point out is that there are silver linings to this phase. People you know back then and thought less of are probably making it big in their own things, really doing the things they love and loving the things (and people, hee hee) they do. While you, on the other hand, go into fading spiral, yep, downwards.

The 20's phase is a long ang troubling road that welcomes you with open arms. It is a gateway for legitimate addictions, bad habits, de-moralizations, de-philosophizations, de-idelogizations and a bunch of other made up words starting with that 'de' prefix. 

Though good and shiny at the same time, this phase will also be the phase of addictions, troubles, getting lost, being lost, losing, failing, wrecking and other wide-ranging things. Binge strings and drifting (once a fond memory of childhood with mean cars and mods have now begun to feel like a lingering feeling of apathy and semi-disgust) alongside promiscuity: in constant promises to do more tomorrow, procrastinating for the better part of making promises, promiscuity related to fluid exchanges, promiscuity related to conflicting ideas and disturbing statements.

I'm not sure what to call this side of the 20's phase. I can't brand it as 'bad' or 'dark.' That would be unfair for many others out there. Maybe, b-sides?

Oh what fun it is to be in your 20's. I am now enjoying layers of relapses and do-overs.