"Sometimes when I'm face to face with an awful truth and a harsh slap of reality hits me on the cheek, I just close my eyes till I feel the sides of my eyes scrunch into a crease that it starts to hurt. It's with that white knuckling feeling that I let myself remember that I'd rather accept the idea that it is actually real. It's not a sign of giving up, indifference or apathy. I do that because I'd rather not have someone else's blood on my hands and shirt. Don't push my hand any further. A man can only take so much."