Monday, March 18, 2013

i need a list on my arms

Today, I am again reminded of how reading takes you to the place you least expect to be and yet feel that it was a needed shove.

I cover paper with words every day,
But the stories never go anywhere
I find worth going.

-Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Chapter 11, page 45

I remember saying this to a loved one recently. I told her that I do write but it sort of still sucks and depresses the shit out of me that I haven't written anything that goes out to where I want it to be. The exchange came over a cup of coffee, recent memories, feels and slight realizations. 

She said that I know that I am good at what I do and that is what separates me from her. I refuse to accept that statement.

She is lovely. I always forget to tell her that. 

Today I am reminded again of how much I refuse to learn the essential things. I need to close my eyes to the superficial as I feel more mundane than I was yesterday. I am also reminded of how the creases on her eye lids have smeared the emerald tint of her liner.

I need to go back into loving things, people and the prospect of tomorrow. I need to be reminded always and it sucks.

8 comments:

  1. Timequake! Meron ka na pala niyan. Ayan sana balak ko ibigay sayo sa mail.

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    Replies
    1. wow! hanep ka talaga ginoo! natapos mo na ba yung nabili mong libro ni Vonnegut?

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    2. medyo nahirapan ako nung mga unang chapters kay Vonnegut. Pero kalaunan, nakakatawa at kasabay ko na siyang dumidigma sa mundo at buhay.

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    3. di ba, akma sa buhay kahit saang panig ng mundo ang satirikong pananaw ni idol Kurt. humanism at its finest kahit minsan nakakalimutan na ng mga tao ang pagiging tao nila.

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    4. sasabay ako kay vonnegut sa maraming pagkakataon pero may mga punto siguro na baka pansamantala kaming hindi magkasundo. wala kasi akong kurso sa pilosopiya kaya hindi ko matunton ang kabuuan ng pagtingin ko sa buhay. palagay ko may pagkahumanistiko ako pero hindi buo. ewan. iniwasan ko kasi ang pilosopiya at logic noon.

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    5. minsan pag binabasa ko ang mga akda niya, natatawa nalang ako dahil hindi ko maunawaan nang lubusan. buti nalang kahit papaano nakakaintindi rin ako sa mga hinaing at puna niya sa mundo.

      pilosopiya at logic, marami pa rin namang umiiwas dyan, ser.

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    6. ahhhh. so normal lang ang karanasan ko kay vonnegut. pag binabasa ko siya, minsan may pagkakataon na napapatanong ako ng "Ano daw?" natatawa ako kasi kahit makailan kong basahin ang tatlo o apat na parte, parang hindi pa rin makuha. basta may impression ako na nakakatawa na nakakainis. Kaya tumatawa ako.

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    7. twisted ang sense of humor nya. parang bata lang ang kausap nya sa mga akda.

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