Doon sa malayo
Umaabot ang bulong ng mga alon
Gaano man kaliit at kahina
Darating at babangga sa kabilang dulo ng kongkretong dalampasigan
Makinang sa liwanag ng araw
Tahimik sa paghiwa ng de-makinang mga bangka
Aalis at babalik sa pantalan lulan ang pangangailangan at pagtupad sa pangako ng isa na namang araw
Salamat, umaga.

Disposable
A crumpled piece of letter
Put out cigarette
Lone crown cap
Empty bottle
Used tissue
Each tells a story
Begging an audience
A story laying in wait
Broken in memories
Past and used
Replaceable
In transit, in the moment
Utility in the simplest and most underrated form
Waiting in silence
Picked up until none is left
Much like this instance
A fleeting reminder
Of a past written in present tense
Designed to last a lifetime in idle
We sit and wait
It comes. It goes.
Falling words become ashes that form beds
Straightened, clean, stained by coincidence.
Whatever happens in the morn of this man-made holiday, we are spent.

Go to noisy places to block out the voices in your head.

Move along with the crowd to be truly alone.

Listen intently if you want to speak.

Drink to drown something you want dead inside of you.

To shout all alone in the wild is to whisper your thoughts just so someone may hear you.

...

Writing is a lot like masturbation. You get an itch to do it. Inspiration and musing are your porn. You browse the archives in your head and sift through the infinite thoughts that are rushing in and around your head. Pick one – the perfect clip, the most appetizing idea. And then you go over it in your mind. You have to stroke it to make something happen. It’s not the prettiest thing to say but it’s the truth and the truth usually doesn’t look gorgeous. It is raw, naked, and most likely tastes bad. Writing is something you do to yourself to see if you’re even capable of creating. It’s a practice and only by doing it as many times as you can, only can you become acceptable if not good at it. After the flurry of ideas, the falling of letters onto paper, you look at what you came up. Read it. Read it again. Read it some more. Did you like what you created? Don’t feel bad. Do it again. You only feel two things after you do the deed. Ecstasy – seeing what you created, being happy with the outcome, savouring the direction of it all. Or you feel guilty after. You loathe. You regret you even made the decision to do it in the first place. You feel disgust but that’s okay. No one is without sin just as no single piece of poetry or prose is infallible and the all-time great. Just remember - it’s all in the wrist.

WB

This is a test.

A friend dropped a book on my desk to help me with my self-imposed writer’s block. Funny thing about it is that the book is titled “Writer’s Block” and literally looks like a block. It’s composed of different writing exercises to help writers get a move on in their creative pursuit.

Here are some of my handpicked exercises and the pieces I had written to “answer” them.

“Write about the worst driving you’ve ever done.”

I’m a terrible person behind the wheel. My worst driving experience was during one of my father’s birthdays. We started this particular celebration by drinking at around 9 a.m. I excused myself from work, told my boss that I got sick the night before from trying to get a 

gift for my old man. What a piece of shit.

As always when we drink, we drank hard. It was a binge fest. After a couple 3 bottles of liquor, we cleaned up and drove to another spot to meet different people to “celebrate” a bit more. I was the one driving. I passed out on the table after a few beers and only remembered waking up and paying for the tab. I was piss drunk but I insisted that I should be the one to drive. After all, my father was far better at this game than me.

So to finish off, the worst driving I’ve ever done was something I can’t entirely remember. And the worst thing about it is I lived to write about it. What dumb luck.

“Outcast”

Poetry night, every night. Bottles of beer stood proudly on the table. They are inviting in their emptiness. Another night of solitude for Jake. Two women made their way to their spot. He didn’t even blink. They shot down that plane even before it took off. They said they were Jersey boys – two young salesmen peddling their wares on the streets. They didn’t know their product was not currency in this town. The management didn’t allow strangers to hold the mic.

“Valentine’s Day”

These yuppies are hooked. It wasn’t E. Meth was too country for this crowd and besides, who else in their honest mind would want their teeth to fall out? Also, too much stuff is needed to smoke that shit. The bulb looks too messy. Foil is brittle and obvious. Don’t get me started on the smell and the taste. That shit is just nasty. But this, this is the drug of tomorrow. It’s something that you can actually enjoy putting in your mouth. Sweet with a bit of tang. Wait for it. Wait for it. There. It’s a “lay me down” shit is what it is. A sting on the end will pull you back. But remember, look for the brand “SO FINE” to know that you’re getting grade A stuff. You should be able to read it on that heart-shaped candy. If it looks cracked and all brittle, walk away. Get your money’s worth.

“Bad Hair Day”

Fuck it. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Ay yo what’s the hold up? Let’s go! Let’s go!

Shit. This thing is itchy as hell! Fucking fucks.

What you gotta wear that piece of shit thing for huh?

Shut up man. Just let me do my thing and I’ll let you do yours, ayt?! I ain’t messing with 

your do, man.

All I’m saying is why wear a wig when you can just wear a mask?

Yo, people in that joint ain’t gonna complain that Donald Trump hit them.

You have such bad taste.

I wouldn’t go that far to describe your sister, man.

“Voyeur”

The cat lady on 10^th. I wonder how many cans of tuna does she go through a week?

 Mr. Douchebag on the 9^th. It’s not Porsh. It’s Por-shuh. Suck a dick.

  Emily on 8^th. Really? Mr. 9^th Floor?

   7^th. Looks like Ray isn’t home yet.

    6^th. Those two brewers have really good taste in music.

     5^th. Still empty.

      Jesus Christ that brunette on 4^th has a rocking body.

        3^rd floor. Shit. I forgot to turn off the light in the kitchen. Good thing I~~~

                                                                        ...

I am poisoned.

I am poison.

The face in the mirror is unrecognizable.

He wonders what had happened to the crusade.

Battle born.

Scarred with self-inflicted wounds.

Who is this person?

Why does he look tired?

Maybe it’s because of all the feigning.

There is no antidote.

No panacea.

Just more alcohol

And cigarettes

And ashes

And smoke

And fast women.

It pays to be free.

You pay to ONLY believe

that you are free.

I’ve spent more than what my body can cash in.

I’d like to think that I’m the spider.

Yet I am the fly.

Pagluha. Banayad na dumaloy ang bawat patak sa iyong mukha. Marahan. Payapa. Sinasalungat ito ng dibdib mong di matimpi ang alimpuyo ng damdamin, apoy, at alaala. Tila isang dibuho kung saan nag-aagaw ang kulay at mensahe. Sa bawat guhit, ikaw ang inaalala ngunit pilit mong nililimot.


###

Tayo at Sila

Tayong mga nasisilaw sa kintab ng mga bagay
Tayong mga nagsisikap para sa luho
Tayong mga sabik na magpakitang gilas
Tayong sawa sa mga kapritsohan ng buhay ngunit patuloy na bumibili
Tayong mga sumusuko sa kalsada ngunit gigising kinabukasan para sumabak uli
Tayong mga bulag, pipi at bingi - nagmamaang maangan sa hinagpis ng estado
Tayong mga walang pakialam sa kanila

Silang walang mga mukha
Silang walang mga pangalan
Silang mga walang tirahan
Silang silat sa katarungan
Silang mga nakabukas ang palad
Silang mga sabik sa dunong at pagkakataon na ipinagkakait
Silang mas mapagbigay pa kahit sariling isusubo na lang ay inaagaw pa
Sila sana ang nauna pero tayo pa rin ang mabilis

Tayo ang maramot sa katiting na handog
Tayo ang ilag sa kanila dahil sa kanilang panlabas na itsura
Tayo ang lumalayo dahil sa mga konseptong nakatanim sa isipan natin
Tayo ang sakim at sarili lamang ang iniisip
Tayo ang kawawa sa huli
Ginhawa o konsensya?

Unread letter

Remembering can be a burden and forgetting, a gift. It's a pain to know that you will always choose yo relive the memories I would rather blur in my head.
 
Your face is the look of disappointment. A never ending loop of the creasing of your forehead and the plummeting of your lips keep playing inside my head. It is what it is, I guess but I can only hope for a reprieve, a stay, a pardon but only in my wildest fantasies can it come true.


I drink to blur that look in your face. Bottle after bottle and I'm half past angry. I try to kill something in me and the best thing I can think of is ordering another double of whiskey, neat. Id rather forget the way it numbs my mouth, then my throat, then my head and finally the wound inside of me that I have yet to find.


I will forget you. I will try not to remember just as I know you would.


...

Maybe

“Maybe? Maybe if we really do become strangers again by some way of magic or a scientific experiment gone wrong, I feel I’d still be drawn to you naturally. And it’d be fun to kiss you again for the first time. I need not be drunk the second time around.”

Scribbles

"Did you practice when you were little?"

My pint-sized god was talking to me. I looked at him with every ounce of adoration I still have left. His red cheeks were glowing in the summer light. His black hair shiny and swayed with the cool wind. This boy is my salvation. It pains me to think that in a matter of hours, we must part again.

"I like you, Daddy."

My heart melted. I held his face and smiled. I haven't had a reason to smile like this in a very long time.

So you wanna be CEO?

Things start with a romantic idea. No, not that kind of romance – no star-crossed lovers, musicals, birds chirping and riding off into the sunset sort of things. You can’t contain your inspiration any longer. After months of deliberation, you decide to leave it all behind and stick with your guns. It feels right. It seems like the most wonderful thing ever. You pull the trigger – you start your own business. Well, at least you thought you did.

Here’s the thing: you’re not in a movie or a cancelled TV series (I’m looking at you How To Make It In America. Guys, please. You have to do another season!) where everything seems so shiny and wonderful. Starting a business on your own is a big thing. And if you’re one of those young adults who still aren’t used to adulting just yet, chances are things won’t go so well right off the bat. But what’s success without a little struggle, right?

I may be rambling but hear me out. So far, here are some things I’ve learned in 6-month long attempt in starting my own business:

Starting your own business will not be easy and it shouldn’t.

You are building your company from the ground up. You should put your back into it. Working for other people is different from working for yourself. CEOs get to sit on top of the mountain because they know how difficult the climb was. And besides, challenging times will make for great stories someday.

Stick to your guns. If your gut tells you something, go for it!

I can’t count the times that I thought to myself “I should have” and “I shouldn’t have done that.” Your instinct is there for a reason. Trust it and see what happens. It’s sure as hell better than doing nothing. Risk is and will always be an occupational hazard. Without it, how else are you going to succeed? If you want something bad enough, you need to go at it hard. Go big or go home.

Fear is both friend and foe.

It is a motivator, a teacher, a rival. Are you afraid that you won’t make it in the long run? Good, that means you’re aware of what could happen if you don’t do the things you need to do. Even when things are going great, you’d still have that sliver of fear at the back of your mind. Don’t feed your fear but do everything in the best of your ability to emerge as the victor. Let go of inhibitions, they will just drag you down.

Plan ahead.

Think things through twice, three times, four times. Focus on your goal and map out the road to your endgame. Leaving things to chance is probably not the wisest business plan out there. Once you plan things, you can keep your progress in check. Plus, you can finally put that planner of yours into good use. You did pay for it with all those Starbucks drinks you ordered last Yuletide season.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

It’s good that you want to do things on your own. DIY or die, right? But there’s also nothing wrong with getting by with a little help. Seek the counsel of your wiser peers. Consult books and do your research. The more you know, the better you’ll get at the whole business thing. Discipline is remembering what you want. Don’t let your pride get the better of you because sometimes, all you have to do is ask.

I’m still learning the ropes in this whole business thing so I’ll keep this tab open. For the meantime, I’ll have my pen and paper ready for more lessons.

Today

My mother always told me to say a little prayer every morning when I wake up. She says it’s a little gesture of appreciation for the gift of life. The same goes every night.

Today, here are the things I am grateful for:

1.  I am grateful for the gift of health. 

I am feeling better than yesterday. My cough is still here but it hurts a lot less now.

2.  I am grateful for the food on my plate and the person who prepared it for me. 

Usually, a nominal ‘thank you’ would suffice but not today. Appreciation shouldn’t be a memorized two-word sentence.

3.  I am grateful for the roof over my head for I am able to sleep soundly at night. 

It keeps me warm when the rain comes. It keeps me under its shade when the sun is up.

4.  I am grateful for I have all of my senses. 

Even during times when my common sense and sense of humor are nowhere to be found.

5.  I am grateful for the ability to laugh, anytime, anywhere and with anyone.

It only means happiness still keeps me company.

6.  I am grateful for the work on my desk. 

These pending tasks are a reminder that I have a responsibility and that I am trusted.

7.  I am grateful for the love of our pets. 

They never fail to greet me whenever I come home from a long day on the road. They’d always run towards me as I slow down to park the car. They are creatures of God who have nothing but love flowing in their veins.

8.  I am thankful for the privileges I receive. 

I have more than what I need and for that I am truly fortunate.

9.  I am grateful for the little things. 

The fact that it did not rain while I was driving today, that I got home safe, for the quiet time I had while I had my late lunch.

10.  Lastly, I am grateful for the ability to notice these things – great or small. 

Things can get so blurry when you’re busy living.

It feels good to know that you have so much to be thankful for.